Rafael

January 21, 2016


Once I fell in love with the person I can't have. And never will.

Sitting in the comfy chair and realizing how much I like him.

3 months of stalking and following him and thinking crazy about him. Is this the end of it?

I hope so.

He looks cheerful and friendly. His smile makes everyone struck on him. The way he walks even can change a moody cat. That's how powerful he is.

I never thought I will fall in love with a student younger than me. Eh, I'm just exaggerating it. He's just one year younger than me and yes, it's my first time to like someone younger than me.

/November 23, 2015/ I still remember the morning I saw him and stuck on him. We attend holy mass in out school. I feel so pissed of for no reason but my eyes follow this guy and when he start to sing? I was blown away.

Because I'm the type of girl who can't keep a secret, I immediately tell my friends about him.

Whenever we saw him, my crazy pals shout loudly "Siya na ba Jen jen? Di ba crush mo yun?"

My face turn red and so embarrass. I'm not yet ready to face him with this face and this body. I was so ashamed on myself that he will not like mo or he will reject me which I hate. 

/December 3, 2015/ The time when my friend's boyfriend introduce me to him. I was so happy yet I hide under our table in canteen. My friends teased me.

/December 18, 2015/ It was the Christmas Party Celebration in our school, he played electric guitar with his classmates. I really want to smile at him or even say hi but I can't. I even dress myself as great as I can so I can get his attention. Maybe, it's not yet the right time.

/December 19, 2015/ As a birthday present, my friends surprised me with a 2 huge pizza boxes and a video greeting from my close friends. As a special greeting, he's the last one to greet. I jump excitedly and all of my friends laugh and tease me. It was a great day.

It's a 3-second video greeting but it was so special that I show it to everyone. Hahaha.

/January 4, 2016/ It was dismissal time and all of us are on our way to the bathroom, I saw him in the hallway. My friends shouted "Isang hello lang, sapat na." He smiled and say "Hello" I try my best to hide all my 'kilig' feeling.

/January 14,15 2016/ He's so near yet so far. I first saw him at the supermarket with his close friends and I didn't have time to notice him because I'm too busy buying all the ingredients for out Cooking class. It was the day of distributing our cards and I saw him at the mall with his Kuya, he's wearing black and red plaid shirt and shorts. He's so close to us but he didn't look in our direction and he will never notice me.



Hi Rafael, maybe this is the last time I will ever talk about you in front of my classmates and even my friends. I don't want to hurt myself again like I did way back. I really want to be friends with you but I have no guts to tell you what I feel. Maybe someday, all these feelings will fade and it will be just a great memory. Thank you for being so kind despite of making fun of you sometimes. It's kinda annoying I know but I promised, this is the last time. Thank you for being the first 'younger' crush I ever had. 

Goodbye.




-Jeanne